I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
