Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Randomize
