New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
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