Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
