no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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