True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Houston, we have a blender
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
