Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just high enough for therapy.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
