in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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