you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
