I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
