ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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