you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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