when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
