I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
