I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
