just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
