ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
