Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
