ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
