Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
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