so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
