They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
