i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
