Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
