Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
