Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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