I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
