If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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