a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
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