Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
