Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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