I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
two words...techno handjob
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
