My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
