I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
You left your phone here
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