Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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