So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
