I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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