Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
