4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
