Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
