I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
