i just had sex bonerless
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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