I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
