well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I have post one night stand depression
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
