How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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