I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
