I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
