Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
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