Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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