Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
