Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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